What Has the Captain Unleashed
by SuperluminalM42
Summary: Lt. Barclay goofing off and goofing up.


A rather agitated Capt. Picard came out of his ready room and walked to the engineering station.

"Where are the new specs for the anti-matter containment field re-alignment" he asked Geordi Laforge?

"Lt. Barclay should have already brought them up here. Computer, location of Lt. Barclay?"

The computer replied, "Lt. Barclay is in holo-deck 3."

"Oh, not again." Geordi exclaimed. "I'll go get him."

"No." said Picard, "I'll deal with this myself, I've had it up to here with that mans tomfoolery."

Picard stepped into the turbo-lift, just before the doors closed, he heard Counselor Troi, "Hold please."

Troi join Picard in the turbo-lift. "Deck 5" the Capt. said. "Counselor, I don't need your assistance."

"Captain," Troi started, "I know Reggie can be difficult to deal with. But I have made so much progress with him, he has the most brilliant mind in Starfleet Engineering, but his ego and his confidence are so easily shattered, if this isn't dealt with properly, it could set him back months. I've almost got him broke from his holo-deck addiction, and have made so much progress in other areas."

"I'm not going to go in there and coddle him."

"I'm not asking you to. Just try and find a way to discipline him, without destroying his confidence. Remember the unwritten rule, what happens on the holo-deck".

"Stays on the holo-deck." Picard finished. "I won't guarantee anything, but I'll take your advise into consideration."

Capt. Picard stood in front of the doors to holo-deck 3. "Computer over ride privacy proto-calls, Picard Alpha 987."

The doors opened, and he stepped onto the bridge of a Galaxy Class starship. The commissioning plaque proclaimed it, the U.S.S. Barclay, flagship of the Federation of Barclay. Around the bridge, several Barclays worked competently at their stations. Picard walked down the ramp to the command area. At navigation, in a child's seat, sat a three foot tall Riker, his arms to short to reach all the controls. At the helm, a legless and armless Data sat, with a silly child like expression on his face, his eyes darting too and fro. In the Captains chair, the real Barclay sat, with more medals and decorations than a Starfleet officer could earn in five careers. To his right his first officer, a Barclay with a beard, to his left, Counselor Troi, wearing only a blue thong and two oversized com badges, strategically placed, one on each breast.

"What is the meaning of this?" Screamed Capt. Barclay. "Crewman Picard, how dare you come onto my bridge impersonating an officer. And a Capt. at that. You're an embarrassment and a disgrace to this ship." Barclay stood up, face to face with Picard. "How did you get so tall? Oh you got someone to replicate boots to make you look taller, after all you're not smart enough to use a replicator. Even taller, you're still a bungling incompetent. Isn't that correct Riker?"

"Yes sir," came the squeaky voice of the three foot Riker, "he still more incompetent than me is."

"Most incompetent," the legless Data said.

"Shut-up Data." Barclay said.

"Shutting up."

"Security," two buffed up Barclays appeared at the side of Picard. "Escort this man to the brig and charge him with impersonating an officer. Wait," Barclay reached up and removed the pips from Picard's uniform. "These are only to worn by a real man. Get him off my bridge." The two guards grabbed Picard by both arms, Picard yelled, "Computer, end program." The bridge faded away, and left Lt. Barclay face to face with Capt. Picard.

"Oh, oooh mmmy," Barclay stammered. "Ccccapt. I I I'm ssoo ssorry, I thought you you were ppart of my ssim..ulation. Oh hhere." He began trying to put the pips back on Picard's uniform, with very shaky hands.

"Stop that." Picard brushed his hands away, but Barclay continued to fumble trying to put the pips on. "Oh just give them to me. I came to get the specs."

"The wwhat?"

"The specs for realigning the anti-matter containment field."

"Oh, I'm so so ssorry, I was on mmy way to the brig, I mean bridge, and I jjust wanted to unwind, and I I guess I I lost track of time." He fumbled n one of his pockets, and pulled out a data pad and held it up with a shaky hand. Picard snatched it away from him. Picard walked towards the doors, stopped and took a deep breath.

"Lt. Barclay, you are a Starfleet officer, don't you see what's wrong here?"

"Uh, uh sir?"

"Computer, resume program." The bridge reappeared. "Riker should be taller, so his little stubby arms can reach all the controls at his station. How can you command a starship, with an armless and legless android at the helm? Your first officer, that beard is not regulation." Picard leaned in close to Barclay, "and Deanna, her breasts should be just a little bit bigger, and those com badges, a bit smaller."

"Sir?" Barclay stammered.

"You spend to much time on the holo-deck anyway, come with me."

Geordi couldn't believe what he was seeing, as he gazed across Ten Forward. "They've been like that for almost an hour." Guinnan said.

As Geordi picked his way through the crowd and approached the table, Picard was laughing hilariously.

"You did that to your 8th grade teacher?"

"Yes," Barclay said, "I was really a terrible kid back then. I was so far ahead of everyone intellectually and mentally. So many people were intimidated by me, even some of the teachers. Then going from 8th grade to Starfleet Academy, everyone was on my level, and more mature. I couldn't handle it, and that's when I started retreating into my fantasy world."

"Well, I wouldn't mind seeing, a little more of that 8th grade Barclay."

"Excuse me sir", Geordi said, "I don't mean to intrude, but did Lt. Barclay get those specs to you?"

"Ah, yes," Picard said. "I've read them, we've talked over them and I've appoved them." Picard handed the data pad over to Geordi. "Make it so. But if you need Reg, you may have to wait till tomorrow." Picard waved at the bottle on the table. We've been sampling some of Guinnan's private stock. I don't think Reg should be handling anti-matter for a few hours."

"This is pretty straight forward work, I think we can handle it with out "Reg".

"Good, then make it so. Did I already say that?"

"Yes sir, you did." Barclay said.

"Well make it so." Picard waved Geordi away.

"And Geordi," Barclay said, "don't hesitate to call me tomorrow if you have any problems."

"Ok," Geordi said, as he began to slowly back away.

"So, did you ever meat Boothby while you were at the academy?"

"The grounds keeper? Why yes, and let me tell you, Jean-Luc, that man scared me more than some of the instructors."

Guinnan seemed to appear from nowhere, "How do you like the new Barclay?"

"Well, I think when he sobers up, he'll be ok." Geordi said.

"He is sober, those are non alcoholic beverages, Captain's request. But Reggie doesn't know it. Something about, it'll give him more confidence."

"Oh my," Geordi said, "what has the Capt. unleashed?"


End file.
